Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
We all know of Rudolph and his shining nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
`Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
He's seen the love inside of you
`Cause he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
(Mmmmhmmm!)
But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve
He might come to your town!

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me, I love you
Therefore, vicariously he loves you!

I can make a Mr. Hankey too! (Pffffft)

Cartman: Well Kyle where is he?
Kyle: Ehh .. He's coming!
Stan: Come on dude, push!
Kyle: Ehhhh... I'm Trying!
Cartman: Wait, wait I can see his head!
Kyle: Here he comes!

[POP!]

Mr. Hankey: Howdy Ho!

I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons Greetings to all of you!
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away.

Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdy ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas Time has come!

Singers: Sometimes He's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he practically water.
Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
And wont fall in the toilet
'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
And he wont drop off .. and so you shake your ass around
And try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too.
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit linger on.

Howdy Ho!

Merry Fucking Christmas
Mr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!

(Clapping)

Thank you Mr. hat

O Holy Night
Cartman: And, O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Savior's b-b-b-birth.
O holy night! The something something distant
It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie.
Jesus was born and so I get presents.
Thank you, Jesus for being born.

(Whooo-oh-oh-oh-oh)

Fall
(Fa-a-a-a-alllll)

On your knees!
(On your knees)

And, hear
(Can't you heaaar)

The angel's... something
(Voices!)

O night
(O night!)

Divine
(Divine!)

The night when I get presents;

(O-o-o)

O night
(O night!)

Beeef-caaakkkeee, O night;
O night devine!
Ehh.. chmm

Carol of the Bells
Mr. Mackey: Uh, Hark! hear the bells
Sweet silver bells
All seem to say,
"Ding Dong Mmmkay."

Christmas is here
Bringing good cheer
To young and old
Meek and the bold

Ding, dong, ding, dong
That is their song
With joyful ring (mmmkay)
All caroling

One seems to hear
Words of good cheer
From everywhere
Filling the air (mmmkay)

O, how they pound
Raising their sound
Or' Here and There
Telling their Tail

Gaily they ring
While people sing (mmmkay)
Songs of good cheer (mmmkay)
Christmas is here

Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas

On, on they send
On without end
Their joyful tone
To every home (mmmkay)

Hark! Hear the bells
Sweet silver bells
All seem to say,
"Ding Dong Mmmkay."

On, on they send (mmmkay)
On without end
Their joyful tone (mmmkay)
To every home

Ding dong ding dong .. mmmkay
Mmmkay

The Lonely Jew on Christmas
Performed By Kyle Broflofski With Special Celebrity Guest Kyle: It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas.
My friends wont let me join in any games.
And I cant sing Christmas songs
Or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph
`Cause there's something wrong with me.
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity.

I'm a Jew,
A lonely Jew
On Christmas.
Hanukkah is nice but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?

And instead of eating ham I have to eat kosher latkes
Instead of Silent Night I'm singing
Hoo Hact Toh Gaveesh
And what the fuck is up with lighting all these
Fucking candles please?

I'm a Jew,
A lonely Jew
I can't be merry
`Cause I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.

Celebrity Guest: Hey little boy I couldn't help but hear
Your feeling left out of Christmas cheer
And I've come to say that you shouldn't be sad
This is the one month you should be glad

`Cause its nice to be a Jew on Christmas.
You don't have to deal with the season at all.
You don't have to be on your best behavior or give to charity.
You don't have to have to go to grandma's house with your alcoholic family.

Kyle: And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap
And have him breath is stinky breath on me.

Celebrity Guest: That's right, your a Jew!

Kyle: A styling Jew!

Together: Its a good time to be Hebrew,
On Christmas...

Celebrity Guest: On Christmas

I Saw Three Ships
Shelley: I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day.
< I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas Day in the morning.
And what was in the ships all three, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day.

Boys: [Laughter]

Shelley: Shut up, turds!
And what was in the ships all three, on Christmas Day in the morning?
The Virgin Mary and Christ were there, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day.

Boys: [Laughter]

Shelley: The Virgin Mary and-
Shut up, turds!
- and Christ were there, on Christmas Day in the morning.
Let us all rejoice amain On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day.

Boys: [Laughter Growing]

Shelley: Let us all-
I told you to shut up!
-rejoice amain On Christmas Day in the morning.
Shelly is starting to get pissed, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day.

Boys: [Nonstop Laughter]

Shelley: Shelly got up and killed the turds, on Christmas Day, in the morning. Arrrrrrrgh!